Have you felt out of control of your emotions or reactions to situations? Do you think “if only they would __________ I could handle this so much better.”
Do you wish you could stop the thoughts parading through your mind or change the knee jerk instinctive reactions to situations out of your control?
It’s not impossible my friend! I’ve been a mom for nearly a decade. If anything brings you to the end of your patience and self control it’s working with humans 24/7. That’s mom life. Beautiful, exhausting, messy, life.
I’ve struggled more then I want to admit with my reactions. I think we all have our own unique way of responding to stress or discomfort in our lives.
Yelling, being overly critical, self hatred, shaming, being passive aggressive, hitting, leaving, shutting down. We all have ways our body automatically WANTS to respond.
We CAN have control over these reactions. We CAN’T normally control the circumstances we find ourselves in. It’s not my kid’s responsibility to stop crying because it’s uncomfortable for me or my husbands responsibility to help me more because I feel alone.
Let’s just STOP 🛑 laying blame on our circumstances and hoping for better outcomes.
Hear my heart. I’m NOT saying to stay in abusive or dangerous circumstances.
I AM asking if I may challenge you to start working on the deep roots and the core issues that are triggering these helpless, hopeless feeling that explode in reactions in our bodies and often onto those we love the most.
Before I go farther, I want to credit Dr. Caroline Leaf for decades of research in the brain and the empowerment and knowledge she has shared with countless people!
I’ve been doing her 21 Day Brain Detox and am on my 3rd cycle of 21 days. My life is literally changing because of it.
Here are some of the things that are working for me that are specific to her coaching as well as things that I’ve discovered over the years through other research. I don’t take credit for them. I do love to share what’s working for me!
• Get enough sleep. If you can’t sleep, then at least rest. Resting your body is vital to managing your brain and emotions. I’m talking a MINIMUM of 8 hours a night.
• Drink water. Eat well. You don’t have to go extreme. Just make good, healthy choices and take well researched clean supplements.
• Become an observer. Observe yourself in hard situations. Pretend you are viewing yourself from a distance. You will be amazed at what you see when you remove your emotions from a situation and observe yourself as an onlooker. Of course you don’t want to stay up on that observation deck forever! Just get far enough away to took at your reactions logically then come back and give yourself and hug and make some changes.
• Ask yourself questions. A lot of questions.
Why? Why am I angry at my toddler?
Because he won’t stop yelling.
(Note that this is YOUR inquisition…not your toddlers)
Why does that bother me? Because it’s loud and it makes me uncomfortable.
Why? Because I didn’t get much sleep last night and I’m tired and hungry and I’m bending over backwards here to fix things and they won’t be fixed and isn’t yelling bad behavior?
Tada!! Now I’m getting somewhere! I’ve learned some things about myself.
I’m tired and hungry.
I feel unappreciated.
I feel like yelling is not acceptable and reflects that I am a bad mom.
Now comes the crunch.
What are you going to do about it?
That’s up to you.
Get a drink. Eat something with protein and hopefully something flavorful and fresh.
Remember that my child is not here to please me or perform for me. I am here for them. I am here to help them navigate big feelings and support them in using their voice in respectful, healthy ways.
I am a loving, powerful, good mom!
It’s not always easy to ask these questions in the moment so I like to take note of when I feel upset and then go back later and break it down a bit and try to find a solution to the problem. I need to find the core of the issue in my own life before I can hope to successfully manage my own emotions.
• Contemplate instead of ruminate. When we let negative or stressful thoughts run through our head all day like a steady back ground sound track, we are destroying our brains!
The thoughts we give energy to will create strong patterns in our brains. It’s much more helpful to plan a time to sit or walk or run and give your mind specific permission to think (contemplate) on the issue that is bothering you. Then set it aside and go on with positive thinking.
• Feel the pain. Feel the hurt. Then release it and find a new way of thinking of it.
• Give yourself a lot of affirmation and hugs. Tell yourself how strong you are. How powerful your mind is and how you are changing generations through your own change.
• Take note of when you are extra anxious or triggered and find the warning signals that you are on a downward spiral. Decide right then and there to change the outcome. Being aware of your physical and mental feelings is HUGE in gaining control of your mind and reactions.
•Take it slowly. This is a marathon. Not a sprint. It has taken us years to build our mind patterns and it will take a lot of hard work and dedication and the desire to change in order to succeed. Every day you work on your own issues is a step forward!! You don’t need to get it perfect. You just need to keep making positive , thoughtful choices.
• Take time for soul care. Having time to write, think, read, be in nature, worship, or do a fun project are vital for me. Unplug and reset.
•Take a hot shower or bath. Wash your hair. Or put on your makeup. Go work out at the gym. Walk around the block. Whatever it takes to make you feel fresh again. I personally go for a quick shower and hair wash. I try to let my ugly feelings go down the drain and start all over. There’s no shame in making repairs and moving on.
I’ve found that working on myself is vital to changing the whole way my life goes down around me. I can’t change my circumstances or the people around me but I can change my own inner world. I can change my mind and my brain and that changes my biology. It changes my attitude, my health, my immune system and my DNA.
Yes! Our Creator made us THAT powerful. He also didn’t abandon us to try to do this on our own. He sent His Spirit to live in us. Hold us. Teach us. Lead us. Empower us. Comfort us.
We are not hopeless and we are not alone. We are not a diagnose. We are not a number.
Our stories matter. Our life matters.
Step into your power and LIVE!
If you have a favorite thing to calm yourself down or even reset your day, I’d love to hear about it!!!