I came to a realization .
A slow dawning that is has been a long time in the rising.
I always thought that WE search and seek for God. That we give our selves to Jesus and ‘find peace’.
Now I know, there is submission ,etc. but without getting technical with any terms ….
I want to shout it from the bottom of my heart….
JESUS found ME!
Just as The sheperd found the lost lamb. Just as the Woman swept her floor until she found coin. Just as the Light streamed down on Saul and found his darkest needs…..
So I came to realize that JESUS finding me was a totally different situation then ME finding Him.
Because when I am finding Him I am still DOING and SAVING and trying to BE. I am reaching and struggling and finding satisfaction in ME. ( one of my weakness is always trying to be better and never achieving what I feel is enough) (my striving aalways only lasts for a bit until I think I need to do more or start all over again)
But when I realize my need and my brokenness. That He already has been In the depths of my addiction of striving. That He knows the magnitude of my fears. That the only way to true freedom is to stop the struggle and beg HIM to find me. When I choose that, I am giving up and giving Him control and giving Him every atom of glory and power .
And again, I realize that I am broken and incompetent and incomplete, and only by HIM can I be found.
Only through Him I am worthy to be His daughter.
And even that is a mystery.
This changes my life. It changes my thinking. It changes my future and covers my past.
This thing of HIM saying I am FOUND!
And when I get overwhelmed and don’t know what to do, then I still my heart and whisper,
“find me, Jesus!”
And He does.