God’s Got This

August 29, 2014October 31, 2019 Anita Hochstetler7 Comments

It’s all part of the Journey. Life can be so difficult to understand. Circumstances so unchangeable. Emotions so beautifully tangled. But when we hold onto the fact that God is working for our GOOD, then we have hope, and often hope is the best thing to hang onto in this life.

We packed our car, shut up our house, and picked up our road map several weeks ago. We headed out for the sunny south. Destination. Florida.

This morning, we woke up in Montana.

What a journey it has been! Giving up our dream to live in Florida, for our dream of coming back home and living in Montana. We loved being in Florida, but something didn’t seem quite right. When my friend, Priscilla, got married in Trout Creek, MT, it seemed like God was choreographing everything together to allow us to return west and nudge us in a different direction.

We drove from Florida to Montana in around 40 long hours of cross country highways and interstates. The closer we got to Montana the more excited we got. We were coming home. Believe me when I say I was THANKFUL for that feeling! Soon after Kierra died, the last place I felt like going to was Montana. It felt like we had been wrung out and hung up and forsaken by that land. That is a prime example of how emotions work. Because Montana was actually wonderful to us. People cared about us. Doctors did their BEST to help us. We had wonderful , kind, friends. We had family close by. I think part of my heart died along with my dreams for my daughter in Montana a few years ago. It hurt too much to go back and face that dream again.

I could write a long epistle about coming here, and how things fell out of and into place for us. How discouraged we were at times,like yesterday, our last day here, with no house nailed down for us to move into. Like questioning if this is even where God WANTS us. Like wondering if He even CARES what we do or where we live. I mean, we hadn’t had a burning bush or voice from heaven blossoming in our faces. It seemed the right thing to do right now in life, but could we trust ourselves? And most importantly,could we trust God?

To make a long story short, we got a text from a friend who had contacted a friend who might have a house available for rent. Since we aren’t financially set to cash off a place, 🙂 we were looking for a rental at least until we can get settled if not longer.

Then things started happening. I couldn’t believe it. At 6:00 PM, a few hours after I wanted to cry in discouragement, we had a cute, affordable,newly remodeled house that had our name on the rental agreement.The funny thing is, we didn’t even sign the agreement yet.It’s a Rancher’s word for it and our own honest word that closes the deal until we come out and sign ‘ some kind of papers that he’ll write up’.:) He of course wants us in it a year, which is OK with us since it is very reasonable and the best thing we have found yet 🙂 It’s a small two bedroom house just a block or two down the street in Fairfield where we lived a bit over 2 years ago.

Maybe that’s what you call God coming through in the 11th hour. I like to think of it as God coming through on time. Although it looked pretty sparse and discouraging yesterday afternoon, I had these moments of feeling like the great wheels of God’s workings were turning and He was going to come through with SOMETHING.

I wouldn’t even care if He had written “I told you so.” all over the sky 🙂

So here”s a big Thanks to our Father who cares about us, and a BIG THANKS to our family and friends. Each of you who prayed for us, or gave us a meal, or a bed, or encouragement, or laughter, or kindness, or assured us that God would work things out….THANK YOU!!!! Did you know you were the breath of God in our lives?

Today we head out on a new adventure with this rig.

Steve’s uncle and family are moving from MT to IN this weekend. (another God plan the way this works). Since we didn’t want to drive our car all the way back to PA and all the way out here again, it made sense that we haul a load of their stuff back and leave our car parked here. The best thing is that since it is outrageously expensive to move west with a UHaul. (over twice as much as moving east) this is an answer to another unprayed prayer! 🙂 Isn’t it amazing how God looks out for us! Johns and us are renting this truck and trailer from kind folks out here, and loading it with John’s stuff to haul to IN. Then we unload, and head the rest of the way to PA. You can guess the rest 🙂 I think it will PLENTY big enough for our things. Steve even claims he could fit the van into the back of it yet too. LOL!! (the van is for sale, actually, if anyone is interested:) We hope to be back home by Monday sometime, so I’m not sure how long it will take to pack and say Goodbye to the East. I dread that part 😦 But I guess it is also part of the journey. I’m going to miss you guys in PA so much!

Prayers for safety and Praise for a God who ALWAYS comes through!

Healing Heart

Embracing Life

August 11, 2014October 31, 2019 Anita Hochstetler1 Comment

So here we are. The third day Of another adventure or crazy crossroads or whatever you call it. Back to driving around the streets and roads of a strange town. Navigating through strange grocery stores and watching out for old folks crossing streets. Snapping pictures of houses for sale on my iPad out the car window. logging info and numbers and options.

Hanging out at hotspots for WIFI. Scouring craigslist and papers and online sights for a job that catches our eye, or that we would actually qualify for. Wondering if we are totally loco and if we are using the brains God gave us properly.

We can’t forget that we felt like God really, really wanted us to check Florida out. That we felt it was time to move out of Lancaster. That He has all the power and holds all the pieces to the puzzle in His hand. That He will delegate them out in His time and His way.

Montana still holds a big piece of our hearts and minds. It’s where our hearts can return to and immediately feel a connection, and that Home feeling. Whether it’s wise to move back is still a question in our minds. Whether God wants us to is also a question.

The fear of making a wrong choice can easily cloud my enthusiasm. Why am I so afraid we will get it wrong? After all, we serve a loving Father who has promised to guide us with His eye! Why do I fear the unknown when He has never let us down in the past?

No matter where we live, what we do, or who we come in contact with, our God is never going to let go. I need to firmly remind myself of that!

So I am writing to remind myself of my commitment to my Father
To BELIEVE!
Believe God will work out our future.
Our today.
Our tomorrow.
That He knows our yesterday.

That He knows that we are only humans, doing our best to follow our all-knowing Father.
That we can only do the best that we can do.
That when we do make a decision, we can rest in knowing He will work it out for our good.
That He will bring us to a place of knowing and peace.

Last night, we watched the sun set at the beach. It was so glorious and it made my heart ache in all kinds of places. I wondered where we would be if our life had been written with a different story. If Kierra’s ending would have been different. If her beginning in Heaven had not come yet.

On Friday, we were at a wonderful meeting at the Clinic in Stasburg. It was a special day for families of children with Yoder Dystonia. I came away, feeling overwhelmed and encouraged and totally amazed. The science of the cells dividing. the amazing surgical injections being done with the tiny babies inside pregnant rats. The beautiful cerebellum of the brain that has a distinct leafy appearance. The fact that is even more beautiful in these kids, because it is extra tiny and totally unique. The questions that surround from the time of conception until the time of their Heavenly beginning.

They have come so far. But still have so many really important questions that need answering. The term Yoder Dystonia for these children has been changed to NCS. Which stands for Nepher Cerebellum Syndrome. There. I hope I got it right.:)

There were six Dr that shared about their findings and treatment options. It was so very educational! From the Clinic Doctors to the older gentleman with the wonderful London accent!

So far, there is still no cure for NCS. Their quest for understanding exactly what is happening should give them more specific answers as to how to treat it best. It seems like when one of the specific cells divide there is extra trauma then usual. This may cause a host of complications. WD73 is the gene that is affected in this process. Even having the cell divide a fraction of a centimeter different then ‘usual’ can cause amazing differences. And this is only 1 cell in the enormous world of your DNA. Think of paying off a loan with 3% interest over 30 years versus 3.05% interest over 30 years. Now imagine the difference it makes in a human if the cell divides even a teeny tiny fraction of a difference then usual. Over the course of time, it will make a BIG difference!

So questions that come up are things like, does the mother need an extra protein or amino acid during pregnancy? Is the baby fine until late in the pregnancy when it lacks something that would effect the way the brain develops? Are they born with this or do they develop symptoms after birth?

Research is still in progress. NCS is taking longer then nearly any other disorder they have experienced to unwrap. I see God’s awesome creation all over this amazing search to understand NCS. We are WONDERFULLY created!

And all these sweet children….well, they are the handiwork of God too! Because they cannot breathe without His touch on their lives! All the parents that were there…whether they had lost their children or not, were living examples of love. Love that reaches beyond the normal, and embraces the gift of life!

So once again, in a totally different way, I choose to reach beyond the normal of an expected life and embrace whatever God has planned for us. In Florida. Or somewhere else….You show us, God…we’ll do our best to catch on and follow!

Will you join me? Whatever you are facing…embrace it, with the arms of our Father bracing yours!

Grief

Beauty In The Dry

August 7, 2014October 31, 2019 Anita HochstetlerLeave a comment

Remember me like a dry flower,
It may not have any fragrance,
But it will remind you of my existence
Forever in your life.

They say roses fade…
I think they just deepen.
Into a stronger beauty.

It was the delicate strength of the tiny blossoms
That brightened the room even when their season
Was gone.

Thank you,Christene for helping me create beauty out of dry brittle flowers! A bit like my heart.
It is a gift…..
this beauty from Kierra’s life left for us…
Even after she is gone.
Peace.

Special Kids

Silver Sandals

August 6, 2014October 31, 2019 Anita Hochstetler2 Comments

In silver sandals she goes walking up those Golden stairs
And though we miss her so, we know she’s happy to be there!
She walks with us in memory. We see her all the time.
In silver sandals walking through our minds.

So many times we let our thoughts turn back to yesterday
To a little girl that could only watch the children as they played
She walks with us in memory. We see her all the time.
In silver sandals walking through our minds.

The grave in which she sleeps is cold but our thoughts of her are warm
And we cry as we both long to hold her in our arms
Each night in dreams we see her running to us, smiling sweet
With silver sandals on her little feet.

She asked for sandals from the time that she could talk
(I think she would have!)
And it would break our hearts when she’d ask us why she couldn’t walk
She’d say, “when I get to Heaven can I change my crutches (wheelchair) then
For a pair of silver sandals at the rainbows end?”

In silver sandals she goes walking up the golden stairs.
And though we miss her so, we know she’s happy to be there.
She walks with us in memory.
We see her all the time. In silver sandals walking through our minds.
-Dolly Parton

I can’t wait to see you in your dancing shoes, Kierra!
Twirl and dance today!
I know you are so wonderfully happy living the dream we are all longing and waiting for!

This morning, the song Silver Sandals echoed in my mind over and over. I took her little dancing shoes from Christene outside into the morning light. It was just peaking over the old red barn across the road, and kissing everything with its gentle glow. It reminded me of Kierra. Pure and fresh. Soft and pink.

I dream of her a lot right now. Mostly I care for her in my dreams. No matter how much I wake up missing her, I know without a shadow of a doubt, that she is so much happier now. It’s very hard to get my mind around the fact that she is walking and talking. Dancing and singing. I always thought I had a big imagination, but when something so personal has changed so drastically, my mind just can’t reach it. It just shuts down for a bit. I like to surround myself with positive thoughts and images of what she may be experiencing, because although I know she is completely healed and happy, I just can’t quite imagine her running yet. Maybe someday…until then, I will stroke her little dancing shoes and believe in the dream!

I trust that God is good. That He is LOVE. Because He cannot be anything else. This life hurts. It is gut twistingly hard sometimes, but I hang onto the fact that even if God does not explain Himself and what He allows to happen, He leaves us a promise.
(Thanks to a message by Gary Inrig for inspiring me in these thoughts.)

“I will come back, and take you to be with Me that you also may be where I am.” John 14:3

“For the revelation waits for an appointed time…
Though it linger, wait for it!
It will CERTAINLY come.
And will not delay.”
Habakkuk 2:3

Whatever you are facing today….just know that although God does not give explanations ….He gives Promises. And since He cannot lie, we can trust that He is who He says He is. He will do what He says.
And He loves us beyond all doubt.