0

When You Get Dumped On

Sometimes life just rains on you and you have no choice but to take the drenching.
On Friday, I helped Steve on his lawn route. Our plan was to quickly whip through them and have a relaxing evening at home and leave early the next morning for Glacier for a refreshing weekend of camping.
It was raining when we woke up but the blue sky toward the east looked promising. We packed Sky and Kobe into the jeep with some snacks and toys and after a bit of tying loose ends up we got started.
The rain wouldn’t stop. In fact, it got harder. I mowed while Steve trimmed. We got wet. Very wet. But we finished that lawn and moved on to another. This time, Steve  used our smaller push mower on the wettest part of the lawn so we wouldn’t leave ruts. I used the big one on the level part. I mowed over a dead bird. It stank. And the mower clogged with wet grass. I had to stop and unclog it. Now if you’ve never unclogged a mower you are lucky. Its discusting and gross and filthy. Not to mention the dead bird. I was afraid I would encounter guts or a leg. Shivers. It was still raining.

Every time we decided to stop, the rain would slow or let up and the sun would shine in the blue sky. So we would keep mowing. And more rain would whip through. Just when I had dried off and warmed up, the heavens would open and rain would pelt again.

We thought about the fun weekend we had planned. We were already wet and dirty and it wasn’t worth stopping, so we slogged along. The mower overheatedwhen the cotton wood trees’ cotton clogged the filter. We had to blow it out. Kobe was grouchy.

By evening we were exhausted but had only one more lawn to do. It was a big one but is usually a fun mow. So we girded up the loins of our minds and got to work. I saw a huge dark cloud covering a few miles radius overhead but I thought I could quickly finish. It started to drench again and I knew I would cry if I didn’t make a joke out of it. So I pretended Kierra was in Heaven with a squirt gun, spraying me down for the third time. That helped. But a half hour later, it wasn’t funny anymore. My hands were freezing. I was soaking and the cloud looked worse. It was raining steady and cool and strong and I just wanted to be DONE. Then it rained harder and harder and suddenly i knew without a doubt that it would hail. I parked the mower and leaped off and ran as fast as my freezing wet legs would take me. By the time I got to the jeep it was pelting hail and rain and the wind was breathtaking. I launched into the front seat as the torrential downpour outdid itself by another whole new level.
Kobe and I hunkered in the back and laughed as the whole vehicle shook.

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Because that’s all we could do. We couldn’t finish mowing since there was streams of water rushing where there had been dry ground. We went home and warmed up and slept like crazy. This morning Steve finished mowing and a bit before lunch time we left for Glacier. They say it snowed there yesterday. We are hoping for the best and that the weather truly will warm up as predicted!
It may be raining on our parade but that doesn’t mean we can’t choose joy and love the blue sky and Sunshine that’s warming the west today.
No matter what life dumps on you this weekend….your not alone! I had to apologize to my little guy last night for my impatience. Today is new and fresh and we are focusing on here and now and a road trip.  No rain storm lasts forever! There is always now to choose to trust and love and singing in the rain.

3

To Moms Of Wildflower Children

I know. You don’t want to be called out here and made to look like some freak show. You don’t really want to even have other people know you are secretly reading this. 

Because that would make you different.

That would make you special.

That would put you on this pedestal.

All you want is normal and to be treated normal.

But you also want understanding. 

Because your life is so different then you ever imagined.

Normal means nothing to you because you can’t relate. It actually makes you a bit angry. 

You  don’t even really want normal either. You just want healing.

You want genuine care. Engulfing hugs. Encouraging smiles and gestures of love.

And the scale is never balanced. 

Not that you want it to be…..because who in this life ever has a perfectly balanced life? Yeah….I know. That friend that seems to have it all together. Well, let me tell you a secret. She’s human too. She’s walking the same planet you are. Perfection will not be reached until Heavenly Eternity, so relax and refocus. You’ve got a story in life that is uniquely yours and no one else can play it out as you will. You’ve got Gods fingerprints all over your life and His engulfing love. 

I have a little story to share with you and it might get a bit messy and hard.

I was there. I was the mother of a child with multiple medical complications. We called her our Wildflower Child. She was beautiful. She was fiesty. She was anything but typical. 


This photo was taken just after her diagnosis of NCS, a genetic disorder with no cure. She was in the rare ‘ sleeping mode ‘ and slept through mostly all the different poses we tried. She was 9 moths old. 

I was naive. But that was OK. You cannot comprehend what you do not know. And God is gracious like that. Showing us through each day, meeting us where we are and leading us so gently even when life slams us face first into heartbreak.

I have so much admiration for all mommies, but Mommies of Wildflower Children are especially on my Super Hero status list. You have one of the hardest jobs given to women. 

Mommies are created with Hearts to love.

Mommies of Wildflower Children love fiercely. But love is not returned in typical ways.


I know how much it hurts to not have eye contact with your baby. I know how hard it is to hear the cooing and see the smiles from across the room but they stop as soon as you come near and talk to them.  I know how much your heart longs for little arms to reach up and ask for embrace. I know how helpless it feels when nothing quiets the wails and you feel like you have no control. I know how it feels to have someone else hear the first giggle and you wonder what you are doing wrong that the giggle didn’t come at your house. And yet, you are so happy that there was a giggle! I know how you second guess yourself and doubt your own instincts and wonder if you are a good mommy. I know how hard it is to decide if you should pursue therapy or enjoy the time you have together. I know how confusing all the IFSP questions can leave you feeling. I know how you don’t even know how you feel yourself. I know how it feels to watch your child interact better with the therapist then with you and while you are wildly glad, you also feel rejected, and that makes you feel vulnerable and ‘bad momish’ and miserable. I know how hard it is to do the therapy sessions in the thick folder left on your kitchen table. I know how easy it is to kinda stretch the truth when you report on how much home therapy you are getting done. I know you feel maxed out and sad and yet like therapy is one thing you can actually DO to help your child. 

I know about hospital days. And nights. About bossy nurses and sweet angelic ones. About Doctors that listen to you and Doctors that have other important things to fix. About feeling like you can never totally relax, because there may be a medication missed, or a dosage confused. I know how it is to watch your child with a Hawks eye for the first flush of fever or weird rash or rapid breathing. I know about ordering oxygen refills and formula and perscription refills. I know how you sit in the hospital and marvel at the night shift nurses with kids at home and wonder how they do it. How they must be so much more capable and resilient then you, who after nights of missing sleep (though you don’t give yourself that credit) collapse on the hard portable cot and don’t hear your daughter cry that night. (Just for the record, I currently work night shift and I am not nearly as exhausted as I was while being a mommy in the hospital:) I know how your child’s birthday is tattooed across your mind like drinking water. How it feels rolling off your tongue when you can’t say anything else coherently anymore. 


I know how you wonder if you can even be a regular mommy,or if you are turning into an adrenalin induced mirage of a mom. I know while you take things in stride and with grace, or helplessly fall apart and can’t seem to breathe, you never feel like you are quite enough. I know that you want to spend more time with your other kids and family and husband, but the choking noise from the bed has you grabbing for suction and everything else has no choice but to wait. 

I know you love what you do in an odd way. You hate it and you love it and you think you’re a bit crazy to feel two such powerful emotions streaming in your own body. 

I know that bond that develops. The gestures and glances and cries only you can interpret. The thrill you feel when they snuggle close and you know they feel so loved. And so are you.  (Tears)


I know how thrilled you are when a nurse or therapist connects with your child and there is that amazing feeling of having a true friend for your Mini You. 

You are your child’s voice, your child’s eyes, your child’s mobility. You are on high alert….all the time. While you sleep or wake. You are a 24 hour, 7 days a week always on call Mommy. 

You are a super hero even when you don’t feel like one. You are amazing with bleary eyes and a breaking heart. 

These words are for you, my friend. 

Be gentle with yourself. No person is perfect. Mistakes will occur. You will make a ‘bad call’. It’s OK. You may feel like the mastermind of your child’s medications and health, but you don’t have to do it alone. You have a fortitude and wisdom at your fingertips that comes from God alone. He is ultimately in charge and you can relax and rest your case and your child’s case into His hands. 

You have what it takes and you are doing a fantastic job. Gods strength is perfected in your weakness.

” For when I am weak, then He is strong.”

 Your biggest strength….the things that bless others the most and minister the most for God , can be in your weakness. Because in our weakness and brokenness, glory shines from God and that beauty outplays any we could seamlessly do ‘without trying ‘. ( we can do nothing on our own, because through Him everything was created and exists) 

Your weaknesses and strengths do not define who you are. You are defined by what God says about you. 

“I have loved you with an everlasting love.”  

(even when in your total tiredness you snap at your husband, you are not less loved by God. But I hope you apologize :) 

“A person’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed.” Job 14:5 

(you can do everything In your power to keep your child healthy, but God numbers each of our days. Our times are in His hands, and His plan is ALWAYS good.)

“For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” Zephaniah . 3:17 

(you can simply rest in the one who delights in you. whisper little concerns and fears to Him. He is not a distant God but has given His Spirit to minister to us and comfort us in our weakness and needs. ) 

I heard that an air control tower specialist, and a soldier in combat are two of the most highly stressful jobs a person can have. The first one has the lives of hundreds of people ‘in his hands’. The second may die with one mistake. 

I heard that a mommy of a special needs child faces the same amount of stress. I know….that life and death are in the Lord’s hands. My head knows that, but my heart is off beating in my child’s body, and that’s where the stressor lies. 

You, my Mommy friend, are stronger then you know! You are facing obsticals no one has proper words or etiquette to broach. And here I have muddied it by trying. But hear my heart through the ‘dust of cumbersome words’. I have struggled and failed and gotten up again and tried and cried and despaired in all these areas, but God has never left me. Never turned His back or thrown up His hands in despair. He steadies me with His love.

 Even when we kissed our daughter for the last time and she ran to Jesus….He still steadied us. 

I know how hard it is to follow my own well meant advice, but  please…..

Take a break. Breathe fresh air. Take time to cry. Laugh out loud. Allow yourself to be silly. Find your own blue sky every day. Give yourself some slack. Gentle your thoughts and words. Get some rest. Accept help. Keep your marriage a priority. And of course….have conversations with God ( even when they feel like one sided rants).

And always remember….when you have God….you have what it takes. No matter how insufficient you may seem. 

Beauty thrives in hard places!



Even the devastating fire cannot destroy the brave wildflowers.

Because our God is a God of miracles and He is shaping “a diamond out of dust” as the beautiful song goes…
Diamonds
Hawk Nelson

Here and now I’m in the fire, in above my head
Being held under the pressure, don’t know what will be left

But it’s here in the ashes

I’m finding treasure
He’s making diamonds

Making diamonds

He’s making diamonds out of dust

He is refining

And in his timing

He’s making diamonds out of us
I’ll surrender to the power of being crushed by love

‘Til the beauty that was hidden isn’t covered up

It’s not what I hoped for

It’s something much better
Oh The Joy of the Lord

It will be my strength

When the pressure is on

He’s making Diamonds
I won’t be afraid to shine

I won’t be afraid to shine

I won’t be afraid to shine
‘Cuz He’s making diamonds out of dust

Making diamonds out of us

2

The Mountain Cemetery 

We went to the mountains recently one Sunday afternoon. Since we moved to Great Falls last fall, the closest mountains are The Little Belt Mountains. They are known for their great ATV trails and they are certainly a gem! We had only been there once before and access to the spot we wanted to explore is unmarked, so we went in hopes of finding it and also stumbling into more serendipity. 

We found it, our surprise for the day, on the outskirts of Neihart, MT, a small town that last had a gigantic census of 51. Although it wasn’t what we imagined discovering, it was delightful and amazing and a bit heart breaking. An old cemetery interwoven across  a hillside of pine trees. 


Some of the stones were reset with newer versions and some were old original slabs of wood. The  gentle whisper of wind through the pines and the burble of water in the nearby stream spread a restful sensation over the graves. I felt the presence of God as we wandered through the scattering. I wandered how many hearts broke here. How many gallons of tears were cried, or if the folks back then were stoic and calm. 

This mother buried two of her children. They were only 5 and 6 years old and died the same day.


Another family plot had three children buried. I wondered if the two boys died of an epidemic in a hard  winter. 


Then there were these amazing plots that made you pause in reverence and respect. Somebody loved these people. Somebody grieved their death. Somebody erected a fence to mark their resting and memory here on earth.


Though overgrown with brush and weeds, love still shone through the years of weathered boards.


I wonder if this lady was a pioneer in her day. She must have been very courageous and brave.


And this stone….since I couldn’t put flowers at my little girls grave for Mother’s Day, I placed some here. Imagine my heart feeling so hugged when a friend in Pennsylvania placed some at my own daughters grave! Elsie and Kierra were born a day apart in July, but in two different centuries. Isn’t that amazing!? I mean….God just blows me away with His little love notes He drops my way!


  

 Perhaps God let them meet in heaven on that Mother’s Day Sunday. I like to think so.


So many of the graves were babies and young children. It was astonishing to me. Even teenagers and thirty year olds were not uncommon. It was a hard life they lived….these brave people that carved their mark into the history of Montana. There were two stones that seemed to sum it up for every one.


We saw the most glorious sun works on the way home and it reminds me of the song…” The hills are alive with the sound of music…” And I could nearly hear the joy of spring bursting from the green country side. 


It was a wonderful day, and heaven felt a bit closer. Kobe was totally overjoyed with his first roasted marshmallow of the season and I felt refreshed in body and spirit!


Heaven opened and shone us some love. Thank you, my Jesus! Give Kierra an extra hug for me tonight! 

5

Mother’s Day and Grief

“Let us then with confidence 

Draw near to the throne of grace

That we may recieve mercy 

And find grace  to help 

In time of need.”

Hebrews 4:16

Sometimes life comes at you like a train wreck and you feel an inevitable collision headed straight for your heart. Time marches on and has no mindfulness of stepping aside and tiptoeing around pain. So I am learning to tip toe.

Mother’s Day is just a few days away and I have had a rough week to be totally honest. This past week has been full of exceptionally wonderful times even as I slug through emotional lows and grief. I strained an arm muscle last week and it has been a nagging ache ever since, my shoulders hurt from doing a rock job that I plan to write about later since I learned some really valuable lessons, working in dirt and rocks for hours on my knees, I have bruises on my legs from unidentifiable times and while I was cleaning up the back yard, I backed into an ugly,nasty ,sharp tree branch that was waiting to be turned into fire wood. My wheelbarrow load of extremely heavy soil and weeds tipped over and took me with it. I have nasty scratches on my legs that sting. I was baking huckleberry scones and the parchment paper slid off the pan into the 450 degree oven and I burned every finger down to the phalanges. Well, not quite:)  my four year old had meltdowns for strange reasons this week and he ate dates out of a bulk food bin at the store. He has an abscess in his mouth and hid behind me, jumping away from my hands when ever I tried to catch him in the Dr. office. 

Physically I was a wreck. My hormones were screaming at me. My muscles ached and my bones were ‘like water’….-(King David). I was so cold and I couldn’t get warm. This seemed to drag on all week long. Not a pretty picture for Mother’s Day. 

But there was a saving grace. I felt God near. I had dinner with a friend who spoke words of life and prayed for me. I got a hug from a beautiful soul I had never met before. She put her arms around me and held me while I cried because I missed Kierra so very much. I had little messages of Gods love and grace sprinkled through every day. I felt so very loved and blessed, while I felt so weak and helpless.

Grief is tricky and you can’t always predict what  will trigger an emotion or a memory. But you can learn to slow down. To breathe. To tip toe. To take time to acknowledge how you are feeling. To be OK with that feeling. I am learning to take that emotion to Jesus. Just telling Him, “I don’t know why I’m feeling like this right now, but I am. I need You!” takes the pressure off myself and my feeble attempts to analyze and fix myself. I can never fix myself but My Father has the perfect solution to every single thing I face. So I rest my case in His love.

For years, I struggled with accepting compliments. To often there was a barrier in my mind like a 10 ft wall, 3 foot thick. I deflected words of kindness and compliments. I turned my mind into denial mode. Instead of allowing encouraging words to bless me and build me up,  I chose to look at my faults and short comings by adding thoughts in my mind like, “if you only knew…” Somehow, in a weird way, I think I was trying to be the be the perfect Mommy in order to fill in the aching gaps in my life. Human perfection and striving can never fill in the gaps. Only God’s grace, acceptance of life, and acknowledging Truth will filter light into those dark spaces. Genuine, beautiful LIGHT! 

Negative thoughts are always destructive. 

“I am not enough.”

“I am such a mess. No one knows how I act under pressure at home.”

” I will never be good enough.”

Those words are all so starkly true, and I came to the place that I realized my total brokenness and dependance on God. But. His grace and love and forgiveness came in and took that sin away. To continue thinking negatively and constantly refusing to accept words of life and blessing, causes patterns of more grief and confusions. That kind of grief is so wearying and wearing that no mommy can stand under it. 

This Mothers Day I want to celebrate the good God has placed in me. I want to thank every one of my friends for telling me that I was a good Mommy to Kierra. That I am a good Mommy to Kobe. I want to embrace the beauty God has placed in me. The love He has redeemed me with that calls me His daughter. His bride. I want to rest in the hands of the One who created my Mommy heart. I want to revel in how very loved I am. How I was fashioned and born from the heart of God. 

A Mother’s heart hangs onto impossible hope. 

It bleeds compassion. 

It smiles and laughs for the sake of the children when it wants to howl at the cold unfair world.

It gives when it is inconveniate and exhausted…

Because it is born out of the heart of God.

Birthed with struggle.

Birthed from pain. 

Birthed for beauty.

It is a strong heart that stretches down to the depths of earthly hell, physical death, gut wrenching heartache, and it rises to eternal hope and the realms of heavenly beauty.

It is bigger then us. 

Because it is born from the heart of God. 

We can’t control it.

We can’t understand it.

We can’t always follow it.

But we can GIVE it. 

It is created for Gods glory.

And it is beautiful.

“For everything comes from Him and exists by His power and is intended for His glory.  

All glory to Him forever!” Romans 11

No matter what situation you find yourself in this Mother’s Day, I want to ask you to simply BELIEVE!

Believe that you are loved. Beautiful. Gifted for your task. Cradled in God’s arms. He hasn’t forgotten you or overlooked your pain. He sees your struggle. You can simply rest in Him. He will fill in the hard places. He delights in you and accepts you right now, just the way you are. 

If you knew….really knew how MUCH God loves you, your insecurities would fade away. He loves you the most….because He is divine like that. 

Live like you are loved like crazy. Because you are!

And all through the day, tell Jesus how much you love Him!

  
  

2

A Child’s Grief

Kobe is four.

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A little over two years ago, he sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star at his older sisters bedside and kissed her for the last time on earth.

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Three year olds are too young to die and two year olds are too little to understand. But spring comes. Always. And Gods grace blooms In hard places.

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The past two years have had lots of seasons in our lives. I’ve heard that when kids turn 4 years old, they seem to suddenly be little people. I wasn’t so convinced. Kobe still seemed plenty little boy to me. Not that I want him to suddenly be a little man. I just didn’t see the grownup little man slipping in like I thought I would. Until recently.

Another friend told me that four year olds start making a connection with their heart and their brain. They become more aware of what they are feeling and actually start thinking through heart issues like fear, grief, happiness, birthdays….they start connecting the dots without realizing it.

It all makes much more sense. One of Kobe’s favorite sentences right now…
“So Mom,” settling into a chair beside me, face all serious and pleasant,”what was your favorite part of this day?”
He even asked the gentleman that we do lawn care for:)

But the other day he was really struggling. Nothing was going right for him. I was cleaning up his grand jumble of toys and treasures in his room and finding items that reminded us of Kierra. He was having meltdowns over stuff that he never even notices usually. Finally I took him to the kitchen and asked him what was wrong.

He literally was too overwhelmed to talk. He just shook his little shoulders in frustration and spread his hands out and buried his face in his hands. ” I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I…I…I…”exasperated sigh and more burrowing into hands.

I got out his big pad of paper and grabbed a pen. “Here,” I said, setting him on my lap. ” draw me a picture of your heart.” Then I waited a bit while he got his bearings. He drew hard and quickly.

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“There are tears in my heart.” He said.
“Why are there tears?”
” Because I miss God.”
So he drew a person with wings that could fly up and

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meet God.

After we talked some more I realized he also missed Kierra. He was upset that she got to be in Heaven and he wasn’t. He drew arms on his heart to reach up to heaven. Then he wrote this. ( with a bit of help with spelling:)

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We took it over to the window and held it toward the sky and asked God to let Kierra see it. Kobe was still not all sunshine but it seemed to help him to communicate what he was feeling.

I  am amazed at how much he misses Kierra right now. Its been over two years and somehow in my naive adult brain I thought he might be forgetting her. I actually feared he would.

But the heart never forgets. A mommy and daddy heart never forget and neither does a child’s.

I thank God for our beautiful complex brain. For our hearts that never forget.

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He wanted a picture of himself holding his ‘Bible’.
Oh! And one last funny four year old moment….
I was trying to teach him about personal space with ‘staying in your own bubble’. When we ride three in the front of our old GMC it can get a bit elbowy.
“But mom, ” he explained, ” I popped my bubble.”

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2

Rain and Rest

It’s raining today for the third day in a row. 

It’s a chili and coffee and blanket kind of day.

 
 
  
The sunny days of last week seem far away. The spring sun kissed glow on cheeks is fading too fast. Out my window , wild rabbits hop beneath pines while tulips pop with color along back yard fences.

Our crazy schedule of lawn care breathes and we gaze out the door at the drizzle and wonder when it will stop. I’m thankful for the rain. We need moisture in the mountains and plains to discourage the sparks that escalate wildfires. I find myself a bit stir crazy though. As if I stop too long I may think too much and if I think too much I may not be able to control myself. And if I can’t control myself I may be a mess. 

So I get a bit grouchy and think of things we should do. Crazy big things like car shopping. Crazy small things like organizing my cooking spices. Things that are waiting to be done and not going anywhere like laying our brick patio. Things like folding laundry and vacuuming the floor. Oh! And when my mind starts thinking about things it runs me down the guilt trip ally….like things  I should have done long ago-like send that encouraging card to that person, or remembered that birthday this year. I find myself wanting to panic with THINGS.

I take time to stop and look through Kierra’s last lovely photo albmn and I miss her so badly I ache. I get sad and lonely and I wish I could snuggle her again. Go back to that certain moment in time and relive it for real. 

I also remember. I remember the feeling of dispair and not being in control. I remember thinking I should plan fundraiser walks or sell t-shirts or wrist bands or DO SOMETHING to raise money for research for the clinic on NCS. I remember thinking if I could only do a little something to make all this pain and suffering mean more. As if I could bring value to it by planning a 5K or having her name on a foundation. It’s true. It would have meant so much to me to do something like that. There’s nothing wrong with that and so many wonderful, amazing foundations and fundraisers and awareness have been raised by people who took action and honored their pain and their children in this way. I am so thankful for that. But in that stage of my life, just keeping us all decent was about all I could handle.

I see a pattern here though, a desperate drive to do more, be more, mean more, busy myself more when life hurts. There is a balance somewhere and I don’t know that I’ve found it exactly. I’m thinking and praying about it. One of my passions of this year is to REST in God, like I blogged a few months ago.

In my restlessness today, I opened my Bible to Numbers. I’m working on reading the Bible through from cover to cover. The New Testament is delightful reading. The Old Testsament has me groping for meaning sometimes. Numbers 7 is like that. A lot of repetition and exact identical offerings that 12 men brought to the Temple. But at the end of the chapter was this verse and it blew me away.

“Whenever Moses went into the Tabernacle to speak with The Lord, he heard the voice speaking to him from between the two cherubims above the ark’s cover-

  the place of atonement-that rests on the Ark of the Covenant. The Lord spoke to him from there. (Italics mine)  

There is my word…rest. Atonement rests. 

Perhaps it is a default mode I tend to go into…making atonement for my imperfections and weaknesses by being busy. By planning more and becoming impatient with myself thinking of  the stuff that hasn’t gotten done and that should get done and that could get done. In a mixed up way I’m trying to make amends (if only in my mind). 

The amazing thing is that the place of atonement rests on the Ark of the Covenant. 

Covenant means the agreement in which God promised to protect Israel ( I put my name in there) if they keep His Law and are faithful. 

So while I am not  a Bible scholar, I am a Child of God, and I get this beautiful picture that I can scarcely wrap my mind around. 

The Good News or the Gospel of Christ is all about Christ.

It is the power of God at work….. This Good News tells us how God makes us right in His sight…..this is accomplished from start to finish by faith. Romans 1:16-17

I hear Gods voice-sense His presence in the place of REST, because everything about Jesus and salvation is believed by faith and faith takes trust and trust takes rest! He has made the atonement. He has promised to protect me with His Covenant. 

I just get a thrill when I think of it! 

Now I will go fold my laundry and yes, do the next pressing thing which includes helping set up for a Taco Supper at the local college, but I won’t allow my mind to go into a frenzy of stuff and default into trying to do and be more. Because In quietness and confidence is my strength….and that’s because the joy of the Lord is my strength!

Reign in me, Lord. I Rest.


1

Bend 

I have driven past these amazing trees so often and am always amazed at their fortitude and strength. The wind in North Western Montana can be truly brutal, but that hasn’t stopped these them from growing. They have leaned with the blasts and defied my image of a tree. I have this crazy urge to salute when I pass them. Deep in my heart it’s the amazing Creator that formed their tiny seeds and sent rain and sun and wind that I am in awe of. They have learned to grow exactly where He allowed their seedlings to sprout and they are beautiful!   
We Bend but Do Not Break

The wind is constant.

A whisper, a croon or a roar.

Master of the open floor.

And we grow.

With the flow.

Of current airstreams through our boughs. 

We bend.

But do not break.
Stripped to the bare bones of our souls in winter.

We are OK with that.

The root of who we are, 

Anchored securely in the level earth.
For always. 

Always spring breathes gentle green and we awake. 

We bend

But do not break.
While seasons come and go 

Our beauty skewed and crooked. 

But still we reach toward Light 

And freckle shade on man and beast 

And point toward stars at night. 

  

Who says a tree is straight? 

When trunk and branch and root are one,

We reach deep down and stretch high up. 

And do not fret about our shape.
Our focus set on nobler things.

Like strength and fortitude and grace.

And  robins resting tired wings. 

Of children larking in our shade 

And strong men mopping sweat from brows 

While thanking God who made us.
We are a tree. 

The wind scars cannot rob our name.

Nor shake our core identity.

We are a tree.

We bend. 

But do not break.