There is new life all around us. Nature bursting at the seams with birdsong and lilacs and green grass and fruit blossoms. Shy buds opening slowly, unfurling tender blooms. 
  
 

Tiny herbs lifting fragrant savory green heads toward the sunshine.

  
And a table for two that My Love surprised me with for Mother’s Day.

  
True beauty is not having everything perfect but seeing past the imperfections to the blessings tucked into the bursting life that transforms the brown. It’s in loving the joy tucked into corners of life. Welcoming  happiness into your front door.

  
Painting by the River with your paint loving son.

  
And although you have no idea what you are doing with the water colors, the beautiful mess they make is joy in itself. And you feel like an artist.

  
Real joy is sitting quietly watching these two together.

  
And somehow, I eke up joy in thinking of Kierra’s joy in Heaven. Not the giddy funny type of joy. Not a joy most people recognize as joy. Just a deep deep feeling that mingles with saddens and loneliness and comes out in pure white peace.

  
I wish you a blessed Spring!

I wonder if there are birds in Heaven. I wonder if they are more exotic then any winged one ever spotted in the history of the world. I bet they are.

Tonight we grabbed our bonocs and bird book and a little snack and headed out to do some bird watching. Freeze Out Lake is just a few miles from our house. And yes, it’s named Freeze Out since it quite often freezes solid in the winter.  Shallow acres of water that lie in wide open spaces of  ranch land. Cat tails and marshy areas make it a perfect bird habitat. We’ve been crazy busy the last while with spring clean ups and spring activities and dawn to dark schedules. Bird watching is a super relaxing way to spend a perfect Sunday evening.

I married a very handsome guy who has been bird watching since childhood. He amazes me. I see a flash of fowl and He identifies it before I can even comprehend if it was a hawk or a starling 🙂  and I mean names like Lesser Scoop and Marbeled Godwit and American Avocet. Yeah….I’m lost already and I just got back from a night of watching these amazing creatures.

 Kobe’s friend gave him a little pair of bonoculars and He carries them all around like a little explorer. I should have lived in Montana long enough to know to remember Kobe’s boots when we head out for wild life watching:) I still haven’t discovered the master trick of toughening up a sweet sensitive little boy….so until then we’ll do our best to take it slow and let life teach him that he won’t die from a tiny scraped knee 🙂

  
      Nature is so full of Gods amazing artsy creations! Stephen identified over thirty birds and Kobe and I saw some beautiful creatures we didn’t even know existed.

I think we need to go again real soon…..all those lovely bird songs are enough to soothe any soul! You really need to hear a Western Meadow Lark, see wild Pelicans scoop into the water, watch Blackneck Stilts, like mini Flamingos, stalking their prey and sit quietly in enthrall wander of the Cinnamon Teal’s amazing rich colors all blended into a gorgeous deep coat of feathers. I wish we had given Kobe a middle name of Teal 🙂

When we got home we found a tiny sparrow, lying too quietly in our flower bed under the big living room window. Kobe had to keep going outside in the dusk to check on the ‘poor bird’ .  I thought of all those happy flitting winged creatures over Freezeout Lake tonight and this tiny one lying so cold and broken and it didn’t seem fair. Then I remembered Jesus’ words while He walked on earth among death and coldness and heartache.

“Not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs of your head are numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God then a whole flock of sparrows!” Matthew 10

I love how He said those simple words….”So don’t be afraid.” We don’t need to fear this life or our certain death. Or the glorious return of our Saviour. We don’t need to fear about what will happen in the near or far future. What will happen to mankind when perverse nature rules and violence and sin take the upper hand. What will happen if sickness is not healed and bills do not cease and hearts are still broken. He sees every little and big thing in our life.

We are so valuable to His heart. So very very valuable.

He holds OUR hearts in His scarred hands

our names etched into His palms

“My Saviour holds my treasure

And He will walk with me!”

God went all out this year already.

We chased the most gorgeous sunset the other night. It literally filled the air with pink and soft and beauty. I felt like I was dreaming.

lone, wind-screwed tree turned into a work of art.

stretching miles of  blending sky

it even graced the

 plain fortress of dried autumn, stacked high for winter’s cold

The heavenly Creator unleashed His palette of pink. Carmine,salmon and magenta.

He’s the Lover that creates so much  beauty for us, that we are silent in the majesty. Wrapped in the rosy hues of His peace. Entranced by the  vastness and glory of it all.

I think its His promise that no matter how bleak and cold the remaining days of winter drag, He has an amazing springtime coming.

And until then, each sunrise speaks of His new mercies. His unfailing love.

Even in the middle of man made structures and walls and glass panes and  electric lines and our own complicated messes that stand between us and nature…His glory won’t be stopped.

Life can’t beat us. Circumstances can’t control us. Our God won’t stop at ANYTHING to display His power. Nothing. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is too difficult for Him. His love always shines through!

I just love when God shows off!

In one way, the longer it goes without Our sweet Kierra here, the worse it gets. Sure, the raw emotion of parting and stroking that silky hair one last time and kissing her sweet tiny fingers is behind us.
But the hard part is…She DOES NOT COME HOME.
We miss her cuddles and smooches and nuzzles in our neck. Her loud happy ‘talking’ from her favorite spot in this tiny house…her bed. Her excited voice when she heard Nurse Jess setting up her spot for the night.
You know all the ‘firsts’ that come with a newborn? Well, there are so very many ‘firsts’ that come with death. The first trip without her. The first visit to Outback Steakhouse. The first time to have friends or family over and not have her here. The first time to church and the first time to town. The first overnight at a hotel where we hardly knew what to do with ourselves because there seemed ‘nothing to do’.
The first time to the park. Like today. On the First Day Of Spring.

Sadie met Kobe and I at the park after we had picked up coffee at the cute, new little coffee shop down town. We had such a nice time. Talking about everything and jumping from subject to subject, chasing Kobe around, sliding and swinging, talking about Kierra. We all missed her.

I showed Kobe what the ‘love you’ said and asked him if he knew what the last word said. He laid his head on my shoulder and grinned shyly and said, “Kierra”, in his little two year old voice. I was so proud of him:) he usually asks to write Kierra’s name every time I help him write his own.
I was really struggling with Kierra’s room and empty bed. It felt so hollow and not right. I know that is natural, because that’s what it IS. I almost hated going into her room because it was just so bare and lifeless.
Then Kobe broke his already wobbly crib the other week. We knew we had to figure something else out for his bed. A good friend gave me the great idea to let Kobe sleep in Kierra’s bed.
He absolutely LOVES it…and so do I. I can actually USE the bed again, and it helps soothe the Missing Kierra wound just a bit more.
He insisted on her teddy bears to be with him when he slept in it at first.

So here’s another first. A sweet two year old in his sister’s bed.
There’s one first I just can’t wait for! The first glimpse of Heaven and Jesus and our sweet Darling Kierra!