In one way, the longer it goes without Our sweet Kierra here, the worse it gets. Sure, the raw emotion of parting and stroking that silky hair one last time and kissing her sweet tiny fingers is behind us.
But the hard part is…She DOES NOT COME HOME.
We miss her cuddles and smooches and nuzzles in our neck. Her loud happy ‘talking’ from her favorite spot in this tiny house…her bed. Her excited voice when she heard Nurse Jess setting up her spot for the night.
You know all the ‘firsts’ that come with a newborn? Well, there are so very many ‘firsts’ that come with death. The first trip without her. The first visit to Outback Steakhouse. The first time to have friends or family over and not have her here. The first time to church and the first time to town. The first overnight at a hotel where we hardly knew what to do with ourselves because there seemed ‘nothing to do’.
The first time to the park. Like today. On the First Day Of Spring.
Sadie met Kobe and I at the park after we had picked up coffee at the cute, new little coffee shop down town. We had such a nice time. Talking about everything and jumping from subject to subject, chasing Kobe around, sliding and swinging, talking about Kierra. We all missed her.
I showed Kobe what the ‘love you’ said and asked him if he knew what the last word said. He laid his head on my shoulder and grinned shyly and said, “Kierra”, in his little two year old voice. I was so proud of him:) he usually asks to write Kierra’s name every time I help him write his own.
I was really struggling with Kierra’s room and empty bed. It felt so hollow and not right. I know that is natural, because that’s what it IS. I almost hated going into her room because it was just so bare and lifeless.
Then Kobe broke his already wobbly crib the other week. We knew we had to figure something else out for his bed. A good friend gave me the great idea to let Kobe sleep in Kierra’s bed.
He absolutely LOVES it…and so do I. I can actually USE the bed again, and it helps soothe the Missing Kierra wound just a bit more.
He insisted on her teddy bears to be with him when he slept in it at first.
So here’s another first. A sweet two year old in his sister’s bed.
There’s one first I just can’t wait for! The first glimpse of Heaven and Jesus and our sweet Darling Kierra!