The leaf is dressed in glory.
As it dies.
I wonder if It likes the different ‘Me.’
If leaves could think.
I do believe they would agree,
the dying to their former color
brings out the golden glory.
And beautifies the dying.
It is nearly 9 months since our daughter took her first steps in heaven. Since I have begun getting to know what life is like without her. Since I have been introduced to a different ‘Me.’
The following song has spoken to me so very often. Sometimes its a bit hard to put words to my deep feelings but following the lyrics below is a bit of my own struggle to accept and embrace this new life that is ‘Me.’
“The Hurt & The Healer”
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn’t come from being explained
Jesus please don’t let this go in vain
You’re all I have
All that remains
So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering
I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide
Breathe
Sometimes I feel it’s all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through
So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering
I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide
It’s the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood
When mercy takes it’s rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say “It’s over now”
I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take this heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When The hurt and the healer collide
[x2:]
Jesus come and break my fear
Wake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide
Jesus come and break my fear
Wake my heart and take my tears
And find Your glory even here
Thanks to Jessie for adding these lyrics.
Thanks to Mike Benkert, Jim Mahan for correcting these lyrics.
I don’t know this new me yet.
She surprises me
confuses me
amazes me
angers me
hurts me.
She IS me.
And I don’t know what to do with her.
I can’t get away from her.
Just as I think she has morphed into a tidy bit of womanly,
she throws out a new curve and leaves me
dazed
lonely
confused
scared.
I can’t out think her
out sleep her
out smart her
or out last her.
So I must embrace her.
And learn to know her.
I must be gentle
and real
(not live in a dream of who I think she should be)
and honest.
Forgive her
(that’s myself I’m talking about)
Accept her.
Even if I do not understand her.
( my poor husband 🙂
Because God has brought her on a journey.
He has plans for her that I can only trace the very fringes of.
So I will lay out the pieces of yesterday
on my own familiar kitchen table
and give them to her Creator.
(He is a Master Chef at creating beauty and completion from messes)
The new and the old and the not understood all laid out before God.
Her loving heavenly Father who knows more about her then she can imagine.Who understands the deepest part of her that is beyond her reach to know.
Someday, she will see clearly.
“I shall know and understand fully and clearly even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood [by God].”
1 Corinthians 13:12 Amplified Bible
Did you get that? It doesn’t say we will BE UNDERSTOOD then. It says we ARE UNDERSTOOD now. I think that means In our present moment. With our present mess of ourselves.
Rest assured today, Dear Soul!
God understands you. You may lay it all out to Him. He won’t be surprised or confused or shocked at you. He knows you already.
He understands.
He is longing to help you.
To simply love you.
To give you rest and peace in Him.
The joy of His presence.
And the hope of truly knowing and finding His fullness filling our being in heaven some glorious day!
just give it to Him.
Wildflower Muse 
Oh dear friend, a hug to you, and thank you for the encouraging words!! Even though I have not experienced what you have, it is wonderful to be reminded of that promise in 1 Corinthians 13, and it is exactly what my heart needed to hear too. You are beautiful, and God loves you so very much ❤
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Thank you Dorcas! You don’t need to lose a child to feel pain or hurt or need Gods love, as I know you know 🙂 Blessings to you! You are beautiful!
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