You know how sometimes you feel so unqualified for a job that you are paranoid to say you own it?
That’s how I’ve been feeling about homeschooling. I never intended to homeschool my kids. And then I planned to. And then I didn’t. And now I am. And I am loving it!
I caught myself telling someone recently that I’m going to TRY to homeschool this year and then I corrected myself because they were my friends and I boldly said ” I AM going to homeschool this year ”
And I’m going to do an excellent job.
I don’t know if it will be exactly the way I am hoping. But whether or not it looks tidy and neat or messy and freestyle, I am going to do my absolute best.
Having a medically fragile child for 3 1/2 years taught me to hold all plans and expectations in an open hand. However, sometimes it feels like I err on the side of footloose. Commitment is hard for me since I tried not to make any commitments I couldn’t keep. To make it all a bit more complicated, I’m a ‘fly by the seat of my pants” person..Naturally. I also have a hard time saying No. And you know what else? I realized that I love to pose.
This book opened my eye to that 🙂
In case you think I’m photogentic, that’s not what I mean 🙂 Posing is this:
I see myself in a place or situation in my imagination that is not my actual reality. Its just that I like that vision of myself so much and I talk about it so much , that I project it into my days and my life and I almost believe its true.
Like living in a tiny house, for instance.
With glass jars of spices and clothing that all coordinates and cute little cubicals of neatly folded clothes.
I would actually like to try the whole tiny house thing some day but right now, its not my reality and no amount of dreaming is going to change that!
My best days have semi organized drawers and books spilling from shelves and baskets and clothes with bold colors.
I’m trying to not be a poser when it comes to home schooling or mothering. Its just a bit hard when you don’t really know what you’re doing, but you’ve got to start somewhere. Its not posing when your heart is in the here and now.
Right here. Right now.
Many of us are holding it together on coffee and a prayer , though. And that’s ok!
Its the reality show days when our whole lifeline is a whisper to our Creator that really make us who we are.
And we stop and wonder at His waves of grace.
On a side note, Glacier and Yellowstone were beautiful this week and we had so much fun exploring Nevada City.
It makes me so grateful to live in Montana! So grateful for my manchilds and mainman!