And Then It Was 2015

The New Year is technically over.
The goals made.
The holiday cheer still a lingering pleasantness.
Some tears cried.
And laughs shared.
Some good intentions broken.
Some plans penciled in the planner.

Our New Year was quiet. Relaxing. Reflective.
Oddly, though, I didn’t make any goals. Just the simple choosing of facing another year with courage. A smile. A thankful heart. And my God.

Last year, I dreaded 2014.
Something ominous seemed to hang over my head.
Something very sad DID Happen.
We lost Kierra.
But something even greater happened.
She is more alive then ever before.

And we are the ones still living the dream.

This year, a bit of the ‘dread spirit’ still hovers over me. May be I will struggle with it every New Year. Maybe I will need to make a conscience choice to choose Trust and Thankfulness.

But the joy will come. As sure as the sunrise.

We are working on a 2,000 piece puzzle right now.

It’s spread out over our little kitchen table.

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It’s a great example of life. It’s all about not seeing the big picture. Noticing shades of dark and light. Watching patterns emerge. Conversing slowly. Finding patience. Persistence.

Nothing about rushing. Or a quick fix. A snap…or a click…with results.

It’s about perspective. Hope for a beautiful finish. Faith that the pieces will all be here. And fit together.

I must admit my husband is twice as good and devoted to the whole puzzle thing as I am. I bought it. He puts it together. I love watching him work his magic on the pieces πŸ™‚ But it DOES make me feel accomplished to know that I helped…even if he is the actual brains to the complicated:)

Kobe is all into His alphabet puzzle train right now. What could be better then waffles and Thomas pjs and puzzles and being with the ones you love on New Year’s Day? πŸ™‚

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One of the biggest events for us in January is starting tomorrow. I plan to take CNA classes. I am so excited, and of course a good bit apprehensive.
Steve and I have had lots of discussions about this subject over the last months.
There are so many pros and cons. ‘What ifs.’ ‘Should I?’
We just couldn’t quite let it drop. It persisted in our thoughts and kept coming up in our conversations until we finally faced it square on, talked it out once again, asked The Lord for direction, and made a decision.

I would take the classes and start working (hopefully) ( if I pass:) part time. Steve and I would adjust our schedules (if/when I begin working) to cover Kobe’s care since it is very important to us that he and Steve and I are our top priorities. (in writing this I want to make it clear that this is not a reflection ,by any means, on those who put their children to the babysitter! πŸ™‚

I don’t expect to fill the ‘Kierra hole’ in my heart by caring for others. I only hope to pass on a bit of the care that has been graciously given to us over the past years. Perhaps the knowledge and experience I gained in caring for my daughter can turn into a blessing to others as well.

So we are taking it a day at a time….a step at a time…..and praying God can use us all for His glory and to be the ‘hands and feet’ of Jesus.

So 2015…. Ready or not….here we come!

Wishing you all the grace and power of our Loving Father and God in the coming year….no matter what happens, heartbreak or amazing happiness…know that You are LOVED! And Heaven is waiting and will be so much more wonderful then anything we can hope or dream of!

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6 thoughts on “And Then It Was 2015

  1. Beautiful words. January and February may long hold a covert tinge of sadness (December did for me for years because of the traumatic death of a young person I cared for in the CCU and that’s not even someone I knew personally), but I love your words about Kierra and how she is more alive than ever. Even on the days when you feel as though something inside of you died, know this. YOU are also more alive than ever. Something and some part of you did die. But in that dying, there is also a part of you that is a bigger piece of alive than it had been previously. God is just good like that. So excited about the CNA classes. You will be breaths of fresh air to so many. And OF COURSE you will pass. πŸ™‚ That’s not even a question!

    • Thanks Michelle!! I love your words on the bigger part that is alive in me! Its so true although it makes no sense in my human mind. And thanks for your vote of confidence πŸ™‚ !!!!

  2. This is so lovely! You have such a beautiful heart. I love how you share it. I think God has some amazing plans for your future in nursing and caring for others! ❀ You will do it all beautifully, I just know it! I hope you really enjoy your class tomorrow. ❀ you!

  3. I’m excited for you in your new venture πŸ™‚ Thinking back on my experiences with nurses- there was this lovely, bubbly nurse even in the middle of the night, and so enjoyed her! I know you will be a lovely nurse, and best wishes for the training classes. And someday I want to bring coffee, and look at your photo albums of Kierra and enjoy the memories of your little angel. Blessings to you in 2015!

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