Nature Awakens You

Waning Moon Muse

The moon is waning.

One bright star

Pierces dusky black of midnight sky.

I lay beneath the dome of space

And give my heart permission

To simply breathe

Deep in the embrace of letting go

Things that do not serve me any longer.

To hold secure a space for change

To hug with warmth the fullness of my life

And know that in the sweet release

I will create a space

For newer thoughts to rise.

I ask for purpose and for clarity.

I know that they will come

Flow free in spaces that I clear

When I take time to breathe

And lay in silent muse.

Sometimes the message comes to me

Not in the stillness carved for contemplation.

But in the After.

When time and Presence whispers Now.

And like a Gentle brush of feather

I remember once again

That stillness is not wasted.

For it creates and clears a room for wonder.

Nature Awakens You

It’s OK To Cry Right Now

She cried because all the chairs were stacked and her favorite coffee house looked stark and unfriendly.

She cried because the tables that held friendship and hand holds and side hugs and steaming cups of coffee were silent and empty.

She cried because her shopping consisted of running in and out and extra hand sanitizer and constant awareness of what she touched and choosing the minimal amount of products with the minimal amount of money but at the same time wondered if this was enough food for the possible shut down coming.

She cried at the empty park and the silent soccer fields.

She cried because they needed kitchen chairs but new ones were too expensive and used ones were too risky to pick up.

She cried because she felt helpless and that made her feel needy and that made her feel tired.

She cried because her already tired mind had to weigh so many new choices. To sanitize the door handle or not? To hit the drive through or go into the store for food? To wash her hands religiously and often even if she hadn’t left the house for 48 hours? To sanitize all mail and groceries or to be careful and call it good? Was her shopping list legit or should she try to make something out of tomato paste and frozen blueberries and a cup of flour?

She cried because her sons birthday gift would not come for a month because it wasn’t considered essential online.

She cried because some people were paranoid and some people were naive and some people were stupid.

She cried because the church buildings were empty. The school grounds silent. The storefronts posted with covid_19 closure papers.

She cried because the lady in the drive through was so kind and sweet and cheerful that it made her feel loved and seen and heard.

She cried because children were suffering with no one to hear them. Lives were being taken out of desperate loss of hope.

She cried because her kids were fighting again and it felt like a reflection on her motherhood.

She cried because the sunshine illuminated her succulent with golden pink and it made her feel poetic

Friends, we all break sometimes. No matter if we trust God or not. And that’s ok. We don’t have to be brave every second of every day.

I hear your cry. I see your pain.

I took a drive beside the river on a frosty morning when nature was at peace with hoarfrost and sunshine. A deep understanding stirred inside me.

All of nature was simply LIVING. Inviting humans to do the same. Reaching out beauty and grace. Inviting . Come play with me. Sit with me. Feel the connection of earth and matter and sunshine and wind. Reflect on water and listen to the wild goose quest.

We are more related then you know. Cut from the same dust. Returning to the same dust. Living RIGHT now. In this reality.

Friend, hold this moment in time gentle and holy. This beautiful moment as a light in your hands.

That’s what matters most.

Perhaps what felt like death to normal was actually life stirring in dormant places. Bringing collective love and strength to individuals. Showing up in texts and online chats and coffee dates in the back of vans. In food drops and recipe swaps and care snail mail. In face masks and empathy and acceptance. In prayers to Heaven. In Children being rescued.

In realizing the vulnerable, weak, ugly parts of our own hearts. In finding grace. Acceptance. Forgiveness. Hope .

In finding beauty in loving well and living intentionally.

In seeing that mankind is not all corrupt and that truth and justice will win. Even after hundreds of years.

In knowing. That the best is yet to come.

Healing Heart

Alive

It’s the twelfth day of 2020.

It’s taken me 12 days to put words to the thoughts in my head.

And even now, they come out stumbly and awkward.

It’s Sunday evening and it’s black dark outside and the temperature is plummeting below zero.

It’s January and 6 years ago, on this very day I was bringing our three year old daughter home from another hospital stay with no idea that in a few short weeks, she would physically leave us for the rest of our earthly lives.

I wept as I drove home in the gathering dusk earlier tonight, after picking up Vitamin C and Echinacea and Throat Coat tea for my son.

I wept because I wanted to spend another day or month or year or forever with our daughter ALIVE.

I wept because I miss the feminine, sweet, little girlishness she brought into our lives.

Sometimes death feels so dead.

I know there is always Life somewhere.

I just need to choose to see it.

This year, I chose the word ALIVE as my focus.

Not because I wanted to hide the pain of death. Not because I want to live every day in a flurry of activity or growth.

I chose it because I want to remind myself of LIFE.

I want to remind myself that no matter how my heart and emotions feel, I am vitally ALIVE.

I have been making a running record in my journal of proof that I am ALIVE.

Some may think it a gratitude list if they saw it.

It’s more then that to me. While I’m grateful for everyone of those things I list, it’s also proof to me that LIFE is still happening. Right this minute.

Dirt under fingernails.

Homes for crickets.

Green in Winter.

I stand with myself and weep in the death of our daughter. It’s a healthy thing to grieve. But death can be so much more then physical death.

Death can be lived in the heart and the mind and this is where I stand my ground and come ALIVE.

I refuse to be soul stuck in the clutches of shame and fear and selfish thinking. I refuse to ruminate on things I cannot change. I refuse to believe my self worth is based on my emotions and thoughts and others opinion of me. I refuse to manipulate myself and others by doing and saying things in a passive aggressive manner. I refuse to allow other people’s issues to control my own personal mental and physical health.

I will fall down flat often this year. I know I will. But I also known that I am not the sum total of my mistakes.

Falling does not mean I am dead. It means I am human and it means I have an opportunity to grow.

I am reminding myself of my own humanity and my own power …through the wonderful grace of my Creator.

I am reminding myself by writing lists about being ALIVE.

Steamed cream in my coffee. So frothy and smooth on my tongue.

The ache in my shoulders after a day of work.

Fractured morning light on the living room wall.

The smell of icy winter.

The way my son lies, breathing in and out.

Sleep music wafting through the room.

Footsteps of my husband downstairs.

Writing down the present makes me more aware. It reminds me of the important things happening all around me and keeps me from getting stuck on things I cannot change. Things in the past. Things in the future. Things in the present that are out of my control.

I want to be ALIVE this year.

To listen without judgment.

To give true empathy without patronizing or trying to fix things.

I want to feel my heart healing.

I want to watch the woman inside of me blossoming.

I want to own my story and live my present.

I want to feel the joy and the hard and the mundane.

I want to remind myself that ALIVE is what my soul is. That no death will take that from me.

Death is conquered already. My Divine Creator is the essence of ALIVE and He has invited me into His presence.

ALIVE .

EMBRACE IT. THIS ONE WONDERFUL MIRACULOUS LIFE.

Nature Awakens You

When You Feel Frozen

Hold space.

Let the deep stillness

Of December frozen over.

Move you to realms where

streams of clear

Still find their way

Beneath the stark reflection

Of reality.

The ice that spreads it’s face

Mirrors what is above it.

But light reflects from greater heights.

Shadows are mere mirages of

What surrounds you.

There is no shame in that.

For life flows true

Beneath the surface.

Do not forget that who you are

Is waiting for the spring time.

The stirring and the breakup

With the cold.

And always, truth emerges from your core