Grief

Dance

Anita Hochstetler

I woke in the middle of the night to the music and lyrics floating ceaselessly through my head,

by Steven Curtis Chapman….

“And I’ll dance, 

with Cinderella,

While she’s here in my arms,

Because I know, 

something the Prince doesn’t know.

The clock will strike midnight,

And 

she’ll 

be

gone.

And I longed to dance with my sweet little baby…

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with my one year old…

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with my little girl….

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I dream of the day that I can truly dance with her again…and see her run circles around me. My heart is so very lonely for her. When I think of not seeing her until Eternity, my brain wants to shut down and scream “NO!” 

But God has PROMISED that He will be “the Stability of my times”- Isaiah 33: 6a

 I will never forget my friend who came to my house, and danced around the living room with my little boy while I sat and held Kierra one day. She taught me how to dance with your child until the raindrops are lost in gales of childish giggles.

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It would be so wonderful if you would be kind enough to leave me a line…that you have loved up on a child today. That you have swayed and twirled and looked into their eyes. That you have told them they are precious. And loved. 

You can even attach a picture if you’d like 🙂

DANCE! Before that clock strikes midnight!

Published by Anita Hochstetler

I'm a country girl at heart who loves coffee shops and bookstores, simplicity and the great Big Wonderful World...particularly Northwestern Montana and it's familiar spots and untamed beauty. It is where I fell in love with my husband Stephen. We brought three children into this world in the following years. Stephen is quiet and steady and crazy all in one handsome combo. He’s got an amazing brain and keeps my flights of fancy from blowing us away. Kierra , our Wildflower child, was diagnosed with NCS before she was a year old. It is an extremely rare genetic disorder with no cure. She passed away in January of 2014 at 3 1/2 years old. Kobe joined us 15 months after his sister and is our sensitive, math whiz child. He is kindhearted and loves the finer things of life. He talks about Kierra often and longs to play with her again. Kyrell is our youngest. Our Hope child. He charges through life with a dynamic spirit and lots of smiles. I share my heart here on these pages and pray they will bless souls far and near.

16 thoughts on “Dance”

  1. Oh Anita, I do so love it when you write. Such a beautiful heart shows in your words.
    And I did just dance. I picked up my grumpy overtired Olivia and twirled in the kitchen till her whining have way to giggles.
    Thank you!

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  2. My Dear Anita….My little boy is now 30 years old patient waiting the birth of his first child. She will be His little Mckayla Patrice. He is many miles away, so I texted Him and told him (with a tear in my eye) He is precious and loved.
    May our God who is so very rich in His love and mercy bless you tonight and always!
    In Christ,
    Nancy

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  3. Love you dear cousin!!! U r on my mind a lot. I enjoy reading your blog so much, but it always tugs at my heart! 😦 u really open my eyes every time you write, to LUV me kids unconditionally, fiercely, to not take a single second with them for granted-bc they are only on loan to me, and at any second could be taken away. Ur family is such a blessing to me, and a true example of what family is all about. And I thank you for that from te bottom of my heart! ❤

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  4. Today we sorted and strung beads instead of cleaning. Thank you for reminding me that it’s the right thing sometimes to not get things done. Sometimes we just need to love on each other.

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  5. Dear friend. Thank you so very much for your reminder and that needed perspective… what a beautiful gift each moment is! I held my own princess tightly tonight, and told her (with tears) how precious and very loved she is. You bless me so much. Thanks again for your visit today… it meant a LOT.

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  6. I wish… that I could see you again, and chat over our lattes.. we could replay one of those days when kierra and my 2 oldest were babies, and we would laugh and talk and snuggle our little ones… I was just thinking yesterday about when we first met there in the ball diamond and you told me you were pregnant with a little girl. I never dreamed we would become such friends. 2 wks ago we were at a wedding, the father/daughter dance was “Dance” by SCC, Denny took Dixie out on th dance floor and joined the other dads/dau. Priceless! The children each have their favorite songs on klove that when they play, they come find mom for their dance. Ty’s is Overcomers, and he tells me “I feel like an overcomer every time I hear this song”!!! Hugs and many prayers to you tonight

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  7. Thank you so very much for sharing your heart with us! I love the way you write…open, honest and those gentle reminders about what really matters. I needed this reminder…after a week of battling a nasty cold with my 3 month old…meds, nebulizer treatments, trips to the doctor… Wheezing, cough… Fussy…yea, you get the picture. It was so tempting to have a big pity party for myself tonight. However, hearing that first little giggle escape his little raspy voice before bed was a kiss from Heaven…my tired and grouchy 2 year old even laughed.
    God Bless you Anita!
    (P. S. Please, do keep writing. This piece of clay needs constant reminders!!)

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  8. Anita- Thanks for the reminder, my body says it’s time for bed, but now I will continue rocking Savannah a few minutes more…she says thank you too!
    Melanie

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  10. Danced? Hmm. Fixed special foods for the feverish one and washed and braided her hair. Complimented the capable two. Blew the runny nose and decided she needed a chiropractic treatment and sewed a dress for the little one. Hugged and kissed and nursed and jostled and cooed to the tiny one. Held the wet towel-clad dear one. Washed my hands frequently to protect them all from the pink eye? That bothers me today. Danced? Not today.

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  13. This was beautiful and expressed my own heart so well. I was never able to hold my little girl while she was alive and so I cannot begin to grasp your loss, but I have been missing my own little girl so very much and while I know she is in a better place, I just want to have her in my arms and to hold her and to kiss her and to dance with you. May God give you strength as you walk through this deep, dark valley.

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    1. Thank you, Arelia!
      I can tell how much longing is just oozing through your words. I hope there is a special place in heaven for Mommys that have lost a child to celebrate being reunited 🙂 God be close to you also! Without Him, I would be so lost!

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  14. Anita, I just found your blog tonight and I think I read every post in one sitting 🙂 I can relate to so many of your posts. I especially love this post “Dance” as my little boy loves to dance & be silly. I’d attach a picture, if I knew how… I am so sorry about the loss of your sweet Kierra. I hope you can look into your adorable, full of life little boy’s eyes and soak in his love. God bless.

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    1. Thank you, Hannah! Welcome to my blog 🙂 I see a tiny picture of your son (?) on your thumbnail. he looks like a whole bunch of silly and fun! I love my little boy so very much too, even if I miss Kierra. God bless you BIG as you dance with your son through life!

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